Christmas Shopping

I was doing my semimonthly grocery shopping yesterday and found myself pulled in to the commericalism of Christmas.

This kind of thing bothers me!

We all know what the true meaning of Christmas is and yet we...maybe I should say I...find ourselves...er, myself...getting caught up in the music, the lights, the beautiful displays, the smells, the sales, and the excitement.

I struggled yesterday with wanting to do more for my children, to be able to reach out to those who don't have as much, to give more to those in my life. But the truth of the matter is I can't financially do all that my little heart wanted. I couldn't buy the cute stocking stuffers. I couldn't give more to a needy family. I couldn't buy that adorable gift set that a friend would have loved.

I had to find contentment in what we were able to do and find joy in knowing it was enough. Christmas isn't about how much you can do for others. It is about the one perfect gift sent to us by a gracious, merciful God.

I also had to think long and hard about my children. I don't want them to miss what Christmas is really about. How can I teach contentment, how to handle their money or about the birth of Christ if I buy everything on their wish list (and believe me those lists are long and hardly anything within my price range!)? Seems to me all lessons are lost if they are now the proud owners of everything their heart desires, Mom and Dad are in debt and Jesus is missing from the picture.

The giving and receiving, the parties, the baking, the decorating are all wonderfully fun and enjoyable. I believe God wants us to enjoy the celebration this day brings. I don't; however, believe God wants us to overextend, overindulge or more than anything miss His gift to us!

So while it was hard to walk away from some great deals yesterday, I was content to walk away and know it was enough and that this will be a very Merry Christmas indeed.

I wanted to post on my day's events but realized in order to do that, I really needed to give a little background.

During my long lull in posting, my 5 year old daughter started showing signs of what we assumed was a stomach bug. She complained about her stomach hurting (this was a Thursday night) but went on to bed and I never heard from her throughout the evening. The next morning she got up and ate breakfast and then proceeded to lay down on the couch. Now this did not seem odd to me as she always lays on the couch in the mornings while she struggles to wake up. But later that morning I was in the kitchen and had asked the children to come see me. She did not come. We went searching for her and found her back in bed asleep. An hour went by and I checked again and it was this time that I noticed something on the floor. She had gotten sick during the night and none of us knew it.

The vomiting continued that Friday afternoon and all day Saturday. I assumed by Sunday she would start holding food down a little better and would soon be on her way to being well again. And I was waiting to see who would fall victim to this bug. Well Sunday morning came and she was not any better...if anything by this point she was getting worse. Her output was entirely too low. She could no longer keep liquids down. So I took her to the ER.

They said she was just dehydrated. So after an IV and a Popsicle, we were on our way home. However, Monday arrived and she wasn't much better. Her output was still minimal (and I am having to carry her to the bathroom to get her to try.) So back to the ER we go. This time they ran xrays, gave her more food to try and keep down and took her for a walk to be sure all was "ok." She got halfway around and vomited.

It was sometime the next day that I was told she was constipated.

Constipated?! How?

This is a child who goes with regularity. I won't go into the gory details but it took awhile to find something to help her body do its job. We were sent home (Wednesday morning) with a prescription for Miralax and the knowledge that this would take 6 months (give or take) before we could get her off the medicine or we would be back in the hospital.

So brings today...

Emma had a well visit. I was glad this visit had been previously planned and looked forward to talking to our doctor about what all this meant. She asked me if the hospital took an xray before sending us home again...just to be sure it was all taken care of. I told her no. She said we needed to start there. So Emma got another xray today and by the day's end, we learned that she is still constipated and we are being referred to a GI specialist.

I am sure this is nothing out of the ordinary but I am stumped by this. And it hurts to watch her go through more doctor visits. This is the same girl who was born 4 weeks early, was in NICU for the first 13 days of life, has a heart condition, and had a heart cath over a year ago. She hates going to the doctor. I haven't even told her we have to go to another one. It will break her heart (and mine).

And on another note...

My youngest has been fighting a runny nose and coughing for a few weeks. I have already taken 2 of mine in for sinus infections in the past 2 weeks. So today I asked our doctor to look at her. She has an ear infection. This is simply funny to me (not haha funny). She has been a little whiny but I haven't noticed her playing with her ear. And she hasn't complained about it at all. Nor has she run a fever!

One just never knows when it comes to kids. But I wouldn't trade any of this for anything in the world. The same God that blessed us with them, will see us through everyday we have with them!

Nutrimill Giveaway

I am a huge fan of Heavenly Homemakers sight and just today she mentioned a giveaway for a Nutrimill (which I would love to have) over at http://happilydomestic.blogspot.com/2010/11/nutrimill-grain-mill-review-and.html. There are several ways in which to enter and gain extra entries. Go! Register! And hopefully win! Although I would really like to win too but should it be you, I won't hold a grudge! Really.

And check out Heavenly Homemakers sight as well. Laura is full of advice and helpful hints for eating healthy...and she makes it all so easy to follow and do. We have tried several of her recipes and love them (like the Butterscotch Bars--yum--and graham crackers--wonderful!). It was also through her website that I was encouraged to quit my Dr Peppers. You have no idea how hard it was not to grab a DP when I was feeling low on energy. But I have been "free" of DP's for several months and feel soooo much better. I say free in quotes because I do have one when eating out with a hamburger (water and hamburgers just don't go with one another, you know?!). But I am no longer drinking them once or twice a day. Yay me!

So go to Happily Domestic (http://happilydomestic.blogspot.com/) for a chance to win a Nutrimill (and look around her sight for more than just a prize...lots of good stuff). And check out Heavenly Homemakers (http://www.heavenlyhomemaker.com/) for healthy eating tips and oh so much more.

You just never know...

Okay. So for days, weeks (dare I say months?) it has seemed like anything I have been teaching my children has gone in one ear and out the other. Seriously you wouldn't believe how frustrating it has been to get them pick up after themselves. Well, who am I kidding? If you are a mom, then you know. But it has been so hard lately. I told my husband just last week that if he wanted to see them to disappear (and fast...like mice running from the sound of a human), then just say, "pick up [this or that]" and well they would be gone from sight. And just to clarify, they would NOT be headed in the direction of [this or that]! There has also been a whole lot of complaining and whining going on in our house as of late. I would say it is driving me crazy but then it might appear as though I were complaining.


Imagine my surprise; however, as I woke up from a nap today to discover my 5 year old folding laundry...with a smile (and not the kind of smile that signifies she is up to something). And this same 5 year old, after being told to clean up a mess she made earlier, picked up her mess without complaint. And my 2 year old woke up from her nap and hasn't been whiny.

I am not all together sure I woke up on the same planet I fell asleep to but I am not going to complain mind you! I will chalk this little sweet afternoon up as a small reprieve from the past few days, weeks, etc. and know in my heart that progress can happen. It will happen. I just need a little more patience and a continual resolve to see this to the bitter end.

Still Here

I guess it is time for my semi-annual post! I don't know why I find it so difficult to write each day but I am hoping (once again) that I can work at this on a more consistent rate. Maybe I will make this my New Year's Resolution...yeah, we all know how long that will last.

It has been a busy school year for us. Daniel has tried his hand at horses and loves it. He is not only learning to ride but is getting practical hands-on skills on how to care for a horse. This will be great one day should we ever build on "The Farm."

Megan took piano this semester. I find that Megan picks up on things very quickly but keeping her interested or focused on it is another thing completely. She decided early on that piano was not something she wanted to do right now. We made her finish this semester as we had already committed to it and she was more than delighted that Monday was her last day. It made me sad as I was hoping for a little pianist but there are still 2 behind her.

Awanas is going well. The girls are thoroughly enjoying it. Our new church has been such a blessing. It is nice being a part of a church family and really feeling accepted as opposed to being a number in a crowd (isn't that a sad statement for a church?).

And I cannot leave out our HS Co-op. I survived teaching K/1st. :) I was very pleased with what my children came away with during those 8 weeks. And joy of joys, my son is finding a friend. This has been a long time in coming and many a prayers have been lifted, that this little guy might find someone to call friend. It is really quite funny how much these 2 are alike. I am loving it!

As for the other 2:

Emma is enjoying Kindergarten this year though I am having trouble getting her to focus for more than a few minutes at a time. I used My Father's World with Megan last year and she did beautifully but Emma was struggling. I am not sure why this comes as a surprise considering they are polar opposites in every other area of life too. So I have decided to continue her with Exploring the Code. I started Emma on that last year and she did great. Why I jumped ship is beyond me but we have safely gotten back on the boat and are navigating our way through The Code.

And little Addie is doing better at potty training than her big sisters but still not as well as Mama would like! She is quite the little ham and keeps us all in stitches. Some days I wonder why her name isn't Joy!

In other news: a) Daniel killed his first deer this year and less than a month later, killed a buck! His daddy can't wipe the grin off his face, his grandfather has an 8x10 picture to show anyone who wishes to see and I am a proud, happy Mama. b) Our dear sweet Megan is born anew. This happened the night before Thanksgiving...what a thankful day we had. It has been wonderful walking beside her through the past few months, answering questions and generally showing her The Way. For all my worries, for all my doubts and fears, the Lord reached down that night and touched her little heart (and mine) and made her His own. It was a beautiful sight.

So any bets as to when the next post will be?!

Birthday Surprises

Today my husband turned 40. He is handling it a lot better than I expect to in a few years. :) I have spent over a week planning a surprise party for him. Why does party planning wear a person out so badly?! Anyway, the party went well. He wasn't completely taken back I don't think but he was surprised by who did come...as some had completely thrown him for a loop over the last week. That is what he gets for trying to pry!!

I also had a nice surprise tonight. One of our friends asked me a lot about homeschooling. She has asked before but has never taken the plunge. I have always wondered if I let my excitement over the whole homeschooling idea scare her away. I tend to talk too much about subjects that excite me. And homeschooling excites me...some times more than others! :) Tonight was different. She sounds more sure this time around. I am excited to be able to help someone get started, to answer the millions of questions that flood any person about to dive into this world of home education and to just be a friend. I have tried to think who helped me along the way and no one comes to mind. I have been sinking or swimming from the get go with my only lifeline being God--not a bad lifeline but no where in the Bible does it tell me which curriculum is best or the best place for discounted books or the laws within my state. A trusted friend to laugh with, cry with, pose questions and on occasion answer questions would be nice.

The Road Less Traveled

My sweet, little 2 year old is testing the limits...more than usual lately. As I mentioned earlier, I moved bookshelves around and ended up losing valuable space for our books. Anyway, due to my dilemma and the stack of books that stood as tall as her, she felt compelled to touch them. Being concerned that they would topple on her (I know I should have just moved them or stacked them into smaller stacks), I told her kindly, yet firmly that the books were off limits. She then turns her back to the temptation, cuts her eyes in my direction and proceeds to back into the books and (to top it all off) acts as though she has no idea what she is doing.

Oh, life with a two year old...!

Organizing

Prior to the end of our school year I had quite a to-do list for the summer. I wanted to organize the garage...if I had taken pictures I would attach and let you see just what a task that was going to be. I also wanted to organize the girls room. At the close of the year we had 3 twin beds in one small room and a very tiny closet for clothes and toys. It wasn't working very well. Then there were the books...how to better arrange them, sort through those that could be sold and basically ask for a miracle of getting them to all fit on the few shelves we have.

I am happy to say that most of what I set out to accomplish is almost complete. The garage which looks better than anything I could have imagined at the start, is just a bit of tweaking. I was able to find a bunk bed for the girls room and am in the process of getting my hands on a bookshelf for their room. It will house some books and baskets for toys, thus eliminating the need for Mama every time the girls want a toy because it is too high to reach. And the books...! I am pleased with the result of moving the bookshelves to different locations of the house and transferring "twaddle free" books to some and Mom and Dad's books to another. I lost space for our books and will be on the lookout for something to use for the rest of the books that are currently without a home. So while things are not 100% complete (and this does get to me for I love to be organized and everything in its place) I am happy that I am so much further along than 3 months ago. And let's be honest...summer break isn't quite over yet!

Off switch

I have had so much on my mind as of late. My mind races from one thought to another so fast that I can't see straight. Ever had that problem? And be forewarned...this post may not make any sense either.

So the first thing is the upcoming school year. I am struggling with the cost involved for all these books/curriculum packages and the year long "extras." Who knew this endeavor could cost a person so much each year?! And then the fear of "is this the right curriculum to use for this child" creep through my thoughts and make it all the more nerve wrecking. I am also thinking back on last year and how horrible it was (in my mind). I felt unorganized. I felt the kids were not challenged enough or maybe they were challenged too much and that is why they had such bad attitudes. This year we are doing more outside of the home...a first for us. I have enrolled my daughter in piano lessons (and trying not to have hurt feelings because she is so excited to be taught by someone other than myself!). I have volunteered to work in Awanas at our church. And teach in our co-op. I seriously feel overwhelmed already but at the same time a little hopeful (how that is is beyond me).

The other thing that preoccupies my mind is the very strong desire to build our house. I am tired of renting. I am ready to feel settled. But it of course isn't as simple as it sounds. The positives to building and moving "home" are great. However the funds are ever so small. If only....

And lastly is the ever present nagging about another baby. Should we? Shouldn't we? If you could hear the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts in my head, you would be as tired and worn down as me!

I have barely scratched the surface on all that runs around my head in the course of my busy day, but the beauty of all of this is that God is in total control and I really don't need or rather shouldn't worry about any of it. He will provide the funds for the school year even when it seems completely impossible from my view point. He has provided a home and for that I am thankful. I just need a high dose of patience for the other. And finally He is over our family completely. If He sees fit to bring another little one in our lives, He will do so and if not...well, that will be ok too.

Summer Season

OK. I am working through my book Seasons of a Mother's Heart...slowly but steadily. I have moved through spring and have begun "Summer-Season of Response." I absolutely loved what Sally said in her "Thoughts on Response Ten Years Later." It in effect summarizes the whole thought of this section of the book. Here you go...

It is important "that I take every opportunity to be a skillful and wise farmer of the souls of my children. I must faithfully and generously work the ground of my children's hearts, plant seeds of righteousness, and water those seeds with my love and prayers, because the season of harvest is ahead, when there will be no more time to plant."

That goes back to the whole kite flying thing. We must do what we can while we have them, in order to grow these precious little ones into adults that not only love the Lord but those around them. I do not want to rabbit trail here but does it really matter if our children can play an instrument or two? If they can speak several languages? If they can do calculus or play every sport known to man? Those things are fun and good and are important if that is a talent or need for their future endeavors...do not get me wrong! But I think if we miss as Sally says in this book, "building a strong home," then we miss building strong children who know right from wrong, acceptable behavior versus immature behavior and loving not only God but everyone else.

OK. The next post will not be so heavy! Course if I keep pressing through this book, I might have to share something! :)

Kite Flying

I once read or heard someone say that parenting is a lot like flying a kite. Little by little you let out the string and little by little the kite soars higher and higher. I thought that a good analogy and have not forgotten it since.

I have watched many parents (myself included) slowly let out a little of that line and anxiously wait to see how their child will handle the higher altitude. It isn't always easy to watch them dive and flip but the joy of seeing him or her right themselves is wonderful to say the least.

I have also seen parents of older children refuse to let the line loose; as though holding on to a kite that is fighting to be free is better than trusting you did the best you could and now is their time to soar. Of course I am not there yet and can only hope and pray that when that day arrives I will let loose of the line and smile knowing my job of raising them is complete but I am still here to advise, pray and hold them if need be.

My first big letting go of some line happened this week. My son is attending his first ever camp. It is a day camp (3 days) and teaches them the basics of horse riding, etc. To top it all off he is spending the nights with his grandparents so for me it is as though he were at an all-nighter camp. He is away from me for 3 long nights and 3 long days. I can honestly say I am doing fine and that he is as well. I am very proud of my little guy. This kind of thing is way out of his comfort zone...being away from home, not horses.

Parenting is a lot like flying a kite; though there are times when I wish it were more like fishing! You hold on to string for dear life. You wait for some wind (knowledge, growth) and you slowly let it go higher and wait some more. And then next thing you know your child will be so ready to fly away that you will feel a tug on the line and realize that you have reached the end. May it be that when we reach the end of the line, we can let it go knowing full well that we trained "a child in the way he should go" so that "when he is old he will not turn from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Heart of the Matter

For several months I have felt depleted as a parent. I am not refering to the constant errands, the day-to-day tasks of fixing 3 square meals a day, washing the seemingly bottomless pit of laundry or anything else "trival." I am worn down, exhausted, at my wits end with the battles of raising children, especially in today's society. I have seen a shift in my attitude and it is not good. The once calm mom that thought she could handle anything or at least give it her best shot has been replaced with a frazzled mom that wants to run and hide when their attitudes are far from godly. I find myself unwittingly comparing my kids with everyone else's kids. I find myself berating myself for not being "that mom," whoever she may be.

So today is no different when I wake up to one of my girls and her poor attitude and behavior. It has ranged from pushing her brother to calling her sister names to crying because she was not allowed to go with a friend to the movies because we already had plans. Now I should preface all this with she at times goes through these periods of ill behavior and it can usually be associated with lack of sleep. She has never been a restful sleeper but there are times when her restlessness seems to increase. She has had dark circles under her eyes for a couple of days so I can only assume we are in that period right now. But this is no excuse and there doesn't seem to be a way into her heart. (I know there is a way to her heart--Jesus.) And I worry about her heart (because of her lack of 'Light' at times). It can turn so cold to those who love her the most. I am in deep prayer over this one. Because when she is warm to those around her, when she lets her love flow, when she does things that I believe are God given talents, she radiates. So I know it is in her. I just need God's guidance, lots of patience and plenty of love. But how to do that when I can't seem to look through the fog of frustration?!

I have begun rereading a book that I loved a couple of years ago. It is called Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. It is book of encouragement for homeschooling moms and I must say it has been a blessing just rereading the first chapter. The book is divided into 4 sections...one for each season. The first season is Spring-Season of Renewal! Sounds like where I am.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the first chapter:

"I would choose joy." No matter the situation, I must choose joy!
"When I pout instead of be joyful, grumble instead of pray, and complain instead of give thanks, I am in effect telling God that he is mishandling my life and I don't like it. At that point, I have ceased to put my faith in my sovereign Lord..." So whatever is hard (difficult children) or frustrating (the attachment fell off the vaccum again), I must give thanks despite it all and talk to God.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thes. 5:16-18

Summer Heats Up

I don't know about you but my summer is once again a busy time of year. I have found myself this week alone working on organizing our garage, planning a 5th year birthday celebration for our 3rd child and trying to lay out plans for next year's homeschooling. I am worn out just talking about it!

Organizing the garage has been a long time in coming. I must say I am overwhelmed with the process but also know that with each step taken, I am one step closer to my goal...a place for everything and no more "now where is that?" Ahhhh. The mere thought is exciting.

Party plans are in full swing. Our girl turns 5 on Saturday. We have made it tradition in our house to have big parties on the 5th. I wish all of the parties could be as grand as our first borns' day but with the addition of each child, the budget has strunk! This party is taking full advantage of the summer season. We have purchased several outdoor games for the kids and the all important (and in this heat needed) slip and slide. We are grilling out and for a little creativity, the kids are going to decorate their own cupcakes.

School plans always fill me with dread (the mundane task of making the plans, deciding the curriculums, etc) but also fills me with excitement. The high hopes of what I want to see done in the year, the fun we will have on that journey and all of the books!! My children find that weird too! :) I have also decided to teach in this year's co-op we are involved in and being the planner I am, I have already started on my list of supplies. Although I am not sure if I am planning this far ahead because I am a planner or in this case because I am a little nervous and want to know it is all planned out so I don't freak out completely the first day.

Hope you will follow along on my summer's journey and beyond.