Heart of the Matter

For several months I have felt depleted as a parent. I am not refering to the constant errands, the day-to-day tasks of fixing 3 square meals a day, washing the seemingly bottomless pit of laundry or anything else "trival." I am worn down, exhausted, at my wits end with the battles of raising children, especially in today's society. I have seen a shift in my attitude and it is not good. The once calm mom that thought she could handle anything or at least give it her best shot has been replaced with a frazzled mom that wants to run and hide when their attitudes are far from godly. I find myself unwittingly comparing my kids with everyone else's kids. I find myself berating myself for not being "that mom," whoever she may be.

So today is no different when I wake up to one of my girls and her poor attitude and behavior. It has ranged from pushing her brother to calling her sister names to crying because she was not allowed to go with a friend to the movies because we already had plans. Now I should preface all this with she at times goes through these periods of ill behavior and it can usually be associated with lack of sleep. She has never been a restful sleeper but there are times when her restlessness seems to increase. She has had dark circles under her eyes for a couple of days so I can only assume we are in that period right now. But this is no excuse and there doesn't seem to be a way into her heart. (I know there is a way to her heart--Jesus.) And I worry about her heart (because of her lack of 'Light' at times). It can turn so cold to those who love her the most. I am in deep prayer over this one. Because when she is warm to those around her, when she lets her love flow, when she does things that I believe are God given talents, she radiates. So I know it is in her. I just need God's guidance, lots of patience and plenty of love. But how to do that when I can't seem to look through the fog of frustration?!

I have begun rereading a book that I loved a couple of years ago. It is called Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. It is book of encouragement for homeschooling moms and I must say it has been a blessing just rereading the first chapter. The book is divided into 4 sections...one for each season. The first season is Spring-Season of Renewal! Sounds like where I am.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the first chapter:

"I would choose joy." No matter the situation, I must choose joy!
"When I pout instead of be joyful, grumble instead of pray, and complain instead of give thanks, I am in effect telling God that he is mishandling my life and I don't like it. At that point, I have ceased to put my faith in my sovereign Lord..." So whatever is hard (difficult children) or frustrating (the attachment fell off the vaccum again), I must give thanks despite it all and talk to God.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thes. 5:16-18