Off switch

I have had so much on my mind as of late. My mind races from one thought to another so fast that I can't see straight. Ever had that problem? And be forewarned...this post may not make any sense either.

So the first thing is the upcoming school year. I am struggling with the cost involved for all these books/curriculum packages and the year long "extras." Who knew this endeavor could cost a person so much each year?! And then the fear of "is this the right curriculum to use for this child" creep through my thoughts and make it all the more nerve wrecking. I am also thinking back on last year and how horrible it was (in my mind). I felt unorganized. I felt the kids were not challenged enough or maybe they were challenged too much and that is why they had such bad attitudes. This year we are doing more outside of the home...a first for us. I have enrolled my daughter in piano lessons (and trying not to have hurt feelings because she is so excited to be taught by someone other than myself!). I have volunteered to work in Awanas at our church. And teach in our co-op. I seriously feel overwhelmed already but at the same time a little hopeful (how that is is beyond me).

The other thing that preoccupies my mind is the very strong desire to build our house. I am tired of renting. I am ready to feel settled. But it of course isn't as simple as it sounds. The positives to building and moving "home" are great. However the funds are ever so small. If only....

And lastly is the ever present nagging about another baby. Should we? Shouldn't we? If you could hear the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts in my head, you would be as tired and worn down as me!

I have barely scratched the surface on all that runs around my head in the course of my busy day, but the beauty of all of this is that God is in total control and I really don't need or rather shouldn't worry about any of it. He will provide the funds for the school year even when it seems completely impossible from my view point. He has provided a home and for that I am thankful. I just need a high dose of patience for the other. And finally He is over our family completely. If He sees fit to bring another little one in our lives, He will do so and if not...well, that will be ok too.